Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Randomize