Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
