I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
I think weed is turning my hair brown
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
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