your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize
