You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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