When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
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