my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
Randomize
