hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
