so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
Randomize
