I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
Randomize
