I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
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