Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
Randomize
