I could make wine with my vomit
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
Randomize
