I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
Randomize
