I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
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