I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
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