She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
Randomize
