I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
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