He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
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