I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
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