What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
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