You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize