yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
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