I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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