Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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