So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize
