Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
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