My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
Randomize