It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
Randomize
