Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
Randomize
