don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Randomize
