Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
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