Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Randomize
