Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
Randomize