now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
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