Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
Randomize
