i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
Randomize
