All I know is that if italians start TIME TRAVELLING were all in a lot of trouble paizon
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
How does one acquire holy water?
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
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