Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
Randomize
