our cab driver is having phone sex.
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
I did not marry a roomba.
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