after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
Semen is not good for contacts.
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
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