You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize