I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
Randomize
