Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
Randomize
