Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
Randomize
