haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
