She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
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