apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
Randomize
