I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
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