You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
Randomize
