I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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