After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
