why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
I still have a little drunk in my system
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
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