LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
Randomize
