Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
Randomize
