I'm lost and stupid without you.
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
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