apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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