tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
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