So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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