Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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