Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
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