How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
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